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You
May Already Be an FBI Terror Suspect: 85 Things Not to Do
Communities
Against Terrorism enlists everyday busybodies to spy on us.
This
couple exhibits unusual interest in transportation routes and has
staged an opportunity to photograph security personnel. The FBI wants
you to report their coordinates. (Photo: Jessica Rinaldi/Reuters)
17
February, 2012
Keeping
America safe from totalitarian ideologues is a big, big job, too big
in fact for the Federal Bureau of Investigation and the entireDepartment of Justice to handle on their own. The DOJ commands a$27.7 billion annual budget, and the FBI employs 35,629 full-timefoes of evil. Their business is to protect the United States from bad
people. Those bad people might be 15-year-old computer punks; they
might be sophisticated zealots who hate America’s freedoms with
such vehemence that they want to blow us all up. And the bad people
just might win, according to our country’s law-enforcement elite,
unless we, the American public, help.
The
FBI and DOJ have launched the “Communities Against Terrorism”
program. The campaign seeks assistance from workers in 25 industries
to spy on their fellow citizens ferret out the terrorists among us.
Citizen spies are being recruited from hotel and motel personnel,
dive shop operators, car and property rental agents, the inky
patriots who run tattoo parlors, gun dealers and baristas at Internet
cafes.
Obviously,
an invective-mumbling individual “refusing to complete appropriate
paperwork” while paying cash to buy large quantities of explosives
and asking for driving directions on a map that has
skulls-and-crossbones marked across every Mall of the America
emergency exit has raised a red flag. Report this person to the
appropriate authorities.
The
Communities Against Terrorism directives go further, warning some on
the American labor force, such as Airport Service Providers, to
monitor even their coworkers for suspicious behavior. But when the
FBI’s “Suspicious Activity Reporting” forms are distributed to
all potential spies on a given airport food court, any terrorist
manning an espresso machine is given a heads-up.
Meanwhile,
some free spirit whose FBI memo went to a spam folder, oblivious that
profiling eyes peer out from behind every cash register, unknowingly
embodies an alarming combination of DOJ-designated terrorist traits.
The
lesson here is that if you visit an airport, stay in a hotel, drink
coffee at an Internet café, play paintball or in some other way
interact with one of the presumed legion of Halloween G-men in the
American public, a full-fledged FBI investigation is only one phone
call away. In light of this fresh peril necessitated by the threat of
totalitarian ideologues, TakePart presents 85 behaviors to avoid if
you want to stay off the FBI’s lists of terror suspects:
1)
Do Not: Use Google Maps to find your way around a strange city.
2)
Do Not: Use Google Maps to view photos of sports stadiums.
3)
Do Not: Install online privacy protection software on your personal
computer.
4)
Do Not: Attempt to shield your computer screen from the view of
others.
5)
Do Not: Shave your beard, dye your hair or alter your mode of dress.
6)
Do Not: Sweat.
7)
Do Not: Avoid eye contact.
8)
Do Not: Use a cell-phone camera in an airport, train station or
shopping mall.
9)
Do Not: Seek to work alone or without supervision.
10)
Do Not: Appear to be out of place.
11)
Do Not: Have bright colored stains on your clothing.
12)
Do Not: Be missing any fingers.
13)
Do Not: Emit strange odors.
14)
Do Not: Travel an “illogical distance” to do your shopping.
15)
Do Not: Have someone pick you up from a beauty supply store.
33)
Do Not: Act impatient.
16)
Do Not: Be nervous.
17)
Do Not: Be a new customer from out of town.
18)
Do Not: Use a credit card in someone else’s name.
19)
Do Not: Chant environmental slogans near construction sites.
20)
Do Not: Enter a construction site after work hours.
21)
Do Not: Rent watercraft for an extended period.
22)
Do Not: Make comments involving radical theology.
23)
Do Not: Make vague or cryptic warnings.
24)
Do Not: Express anti-U.S. sentiments.
25)
Do Not: Purchase a quantity of prepaid or disposable cell phones.
26)
Do Not: Leave store without preprogramming disposable phones.
27)
Do Not: Be overly interested in satellite phones and voice privacy.
28)
Do Not: Ask questions about swapping SIM cards in cell phones.
29)
Do Not: Ask questions about how phone location can be tracked.
30)
Do Not: Rewire cell phone’s ringer or backlight.
31)
Do Not: Express out-of-place and provocative religious or political
sentiments.
32)
Do Not: Purchase a police scanner, infrared device or 2-way radio.
33)
Do Not: Act impatient.
34)
Do Not: Drive a vehicle that appears to be overloaded.
35)
Do Not: Depart quickly when seen or approached.
36)
Do Not: Be a person “acting suspiciously.”
37)
Do Not: Make illegible notes on a map.
38)
Do Not: Take photos of the Statue of Liberty or other “symbolic
targets.”
39)
Do Not: Overdress for the weather.
40)
Do Not: Ask questions in a hobby shop about remote controlled
aircraft.
41)
Do Not: Demonstrate interest that does not seem genuine.
42)
Do Not: Request specific room assignments or locations at a hotel or
motel.
43)
Do Not: Arrive at a lodging with unusual amounts of luggage.
52)
Do Not: Make notes that are illegible to passersby.
44)
Do Not: Refuse cleaning service.
45)
Do Not: Avoid the lobby of a hotel or motel.
46)
Do Not: Remain in your hotel or motel room.
47)
Do Not: Leave your hotel for several days, then return.
48)
Do Not: Leave behind clothing and toiletry items.
49)
Do Not: Park your vehicle in an isolated area.
50)
Do Not: Be observed switching a cell phone SIM card.
51)
Do Not: Be observed using multiple cell phones.
52)
Do Not: Make notes that are illegible to passersby.
53)
Do Not: Communicate through a PC game.
54)
Do Not: Download “extreme/radical” content.
55)
Do Not: Exhibit preoccupation with press coverage of terrorist
attacks.
56)
Do Not: Wear a backpack when the weather is warm.
57)
Do Not: Speak to mall maintenance personnel or security guards.
58)
Do Not: Make racist comments.
59)
Do Not: Mumble to yourself.
60)
Do Not: Pass along any anonymous threats you may receive.
61)
Do Not: Discreetly take a photo in a mass transit site.
62)
Do Not: Arrive with a group of people and split off from them.
63)
Do Not: Demand “identity privacy.”
64)
Do Not: Appear to endorse the use of violence in support of a cause.
65)
Do Not: Make bulk purchases of meals ready to eat.
66)
Do Not: Arrive in America from a land where militant Islamic groups
operate.
67)
Do Not: Take a long absence for religious education or charity work.
68)
Do Not: Travel to countries where militant Islam rules.
69)
Do Not: Study technical subjects that would aid a terror operation.
70)
Do Not: Work in a field that “serves as a cover for preparing for
an operation.”
71)
Do Not: Exhibit ire at global policies of the U.S.
72)
Do Not: Balk at providing “complete personal information.”
73)
Do Not: Provide multiple names on rental car paperwork.
74)
Do Not: Receive an unusual number of package deliveries.
75)
Do Not: Replace rental property locks without permission.
76)
Do Not: Modify your property to conceal storage areas.
77)
Do Not: Fail to pay rent for a storage unit in a timely manner.
78)
Do Not: Inquire about security systems at your storage facility.
79)
Do Not: Place unusual items in storage units or dumpsters.
80)
Do Not: Avoid contact with rental facility personnel.
81)
Do Not: Access storage facilities an unusual number of times.
82)
Do Not: Request deliveries of items directly to a storage unit.
83)
Do Not: Be part of a group requesting identical tattoos.
84)
Do Not: Request tattoos that could conceal extremist symbols.
85)
Do Not: Fly while appearing to be Muslim on September 11 of any year.
The
FBI flyers include a disclaimer following the list of terrorist
behaviors, right above the Anti-Terrorism Tip Line number.
NOTE:
It is important to remember that just because someone’s speech,
actions, beliefs, appearance, or way of life is different; it does
not mean that he or she is suspicious.
For
emphasis, the FBI sets off this note encouraging tolerance in
italics, the typographical equivalent of a wink.
All
25 FBI flyers can be found HERE.
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