SATIRE ALERT: Why the Amazon fires made the headlines

Media declare Amazon fires 

‘important enough for front 

page’ after discovery of old 

cathedral in the rain forest

News Thump
23 August, 2019


The world’s media has agreed that the Amazon forest fires are worthy of the front page after learning that an old cathedral was threatened along with 20% of the planet’s oxygen making ability.


Despite thousands of deliberately set fires burning for many days and deforestation likely to destroy an area of rainforest the size of Kuwait this year, the world’s media has been reluctant to make this their biggest story – until now.


“There’s a big old church in the danger? Why didn’t you just SAY so!” screamed one newspaper editor.


“Hold the front page!” they screamed at subordinates, insisting a photo of said cathedral with flames coming out of the roof would be far more newsworthy than a load of trees, wildlife and indigenous people.



The editor concluded, “The people don’t care about burning trees that have been there for millions of years, they care about burning old buildings that have been there for a couple of hundred. So of course we’re covering it now!”


Meanwhile, those sceptical of environmental causes have said the rainforest fires should be treated much like Notre Dame, in that people will rebuild it if it’s really that important.


“And if they don’t rebuild it, then it probably wasn’t that important in the first place,” added one such moron.


However, most citizens of the planet have welcomed the higher profile of the burning Amazon, which is likely to dominate the news agenda until later today when Donald Trump will tweet something idiotic and scientifically ignorant in support of Brazil’s president Jair Bolsonaro.