Humanity to keep tweeting positive slogans until point of extinction
22 May, 2016
HUMANS will continue posting upbeat sayings on social media until the very last person dies, it has emerged.
Following claims that humanity will soon be killed off by climate change, experts said that the hollow life-affirming statements would continue until zero hour.
Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “As famine, drought and overcrowding take their toll and civilisation spirals inexorably towards chaos, we’ll still see tweets like ‘Negative people have a problem for every solution’ and ‘Every single second is an inspiration’.
“When people turn into desperate cannibals and sell themselves sexually for a few slivers of rat meat, you’ll still get people on Facebook saying ‘You can’t live a positive life with a negative mind’.
“And thanks to internet scheduling software, hours after the last human keels over in a desert wasteland