Satire alert

Green Energy Scientists Unveil 800,000-Ton Potato Capable Of Powering Entire City

the Onion,

23 August, 2018

KNOXVILLE, TN—In what many experts are hailing as a game changer in the field of renewable energy, scientists from the University of Tennessee unveiled Friday a 10-story-tall, 800,000-ton potato capable of powering an entire city. “Our tests have demonstrated this single potato can generate more than 3.5 gigawatts of clean, renewable electricity,” said civil engineering professor Lauren Donaldson, explaining that the colossal tuber, when connected to the electrical grid via one zinc and one copper electrode, could provide enough output to illuminate approximately 70 million standard light bulbs for more than a decade. “In theory, the nation’s energy infrastructure could be revolutionized simply by placing one of these gigantic potatoes next to every city in America. We believe it is entirely conceivable that within 20 years, this technology—perhaps supplemented by several similar-sized lemons connected via lengths of wire and paper clips—could be our primary source of electricity. One day, everything from home appliances to cars to factories may be potato-powered.” Donaldson added that her team’s potato also had the benefit of being largely pollution-free, as nearly 98 percent of its waste products would be fried-up and eaten afterward.