Wheels finally come off the Guardian’s Russophobia
18
June, 2016
The
Graun’s latest
piece of
Russophobia is so flamingly, screamingly ridiculous, there’s no
need to deconstruct it….
Senior government officials fear the violence unleashed by Russian hooligans at Euro 2016 was sanctioned by the Kremlin and are investigating links with Vladimir Putin’s regime.
…runs
the headline.
Oh
dear dear dear. Can’t you just see the editors squirming and
cringing when this morsel landed on their desks from GCHQ? Can’t
you picture the ensuing phone call…
Editor: Hi
yes, it’s me – we just got your latest, and well, it’s terrific
as usual obviously, but there’s a couple of teensy little issues we
sort of want to chat about…
GCHQ: Go
on…
Editor: Ummm…you
know…we’ve been talking here and the consensus is – do
wereally want
to actually say the
Kremlin sponsors football hooligans?
GCHQ: Why
not?
Editor: Well,
ummm, perhaps because it looks – I mean obviously it isn’t –
but it sort of does look just
a tiny bit…silly?
GCHQ: Silly?
Editor: Yes.
I mean, we’re just sort of a little bit wondering if perhaps some
of our readers might say ‘why on earth would the Kremlin bother to
do something so totally pointless’?
GCHQ: Pointless?
Didn’t you read the memo? This is Putin doing hybrid warfare.
Editor: Oh
absolutely! we all know that, I mean obviously Putin sent the
hooligans to Marseilles to undermine western values, but… I’m
just not sure our readers will believe it.
GCHQ: I’m
not sure we like your tone. Are we going to have to send the boys
round again?
Editor: Oh
good God no. We are totally on side in this. Absolutely. It’s
just…do wereally have
to say the thing about the football hooligans?
GCHQ: Yes.
You do.
Editor: But
what if people make fun of us?
GCHQ: That’s
your problem isn’t it.
Editor: Yes,
I suppose so.
GCHQ: I
mean it’s you looking silly, not us.
Editor: Yes,
right.
GCHQ: Because
that’s what we pay you for.
Editor: Yes.
Ok. Umm…Alec really doesn’t want to put his name on this one, and
neither does Shaun, and even Luke’s not too keen – I think
they’ve upped his meds or something.
GCHQ: Look,
we don’t care what bloody name you stick on the thing, just publish
it…
Editor: yes,
right…probably I can lean on Daniel to do it, he owes me a few …
GCHQ Ok,
so get on with it then.
Editor: Yes,
of course. Will do. Thanks for the chat. And thanks once again for
the amazing privilege of working with you.
GCHQ: Oh
shut up you bloody little dogsbody.
Editor: Yes,
of course. Right. Anything you say…
Which
is why even Shaun Walker feels the need to distance himself from this
cringeworthy nadir. And poor old Daniel
Boffey,
“policy editor” gets to carry the can.
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